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Sunday, April 19, 2009 @ 4:46 PM
what is forever? she wanted to break up with him, not because she didn't love him, but she couldn't be with him if they weren't together. his response? he asked her to marry him. he gave her one week while he was away(again) to decide. 'FOREVER' he said it without hesitation. 'Forever' is how he signed most of his correspondences with her, from his short entry in her senior yearbook to the dedication of the notebook that she dedicates to him. but it's the as-of-yet unwritten FOREVER that immediately sprung to mind. during the years of separation, all those silent years, he will send a postcard to convey a message. a message that he built one word and one postcard at a time. the message was. I WISH OUR LOVE WAS RIGHT NOW I WISH OUR LOVE WAS RIGHT. I WISH OUR LOVE WAS RIGHT NOW. see the difference one word makes? it never cease to amaze me how easy it is to misunderstand someone. how easy it is for things to go wrong, because of what was unsaid, or rather in this case, what was yet to be said. the eighth card, with the word AND was his. the only postcard that was not up with the rest because it was the only postcard written to him, from her. 'AND' represented her faith that there would be more to come for him and her, even if she didn't know what it was. she tried to make good on her postcard promise, to let their relationship evolve in the open-ended spirit of AND. is it any surprise that he would want the final word? FOREVER. connection separation connection separation connection "there has been too many spaces in our togetherness," she said, almost in a whisper. "Our relationship is defined by separation. by silences." "it seems to me," her best friend, Hope said, "that you and him need more togetherness in your spaces." for a few seconds, the only sound was of the tires heartbeating over the dips in the road. "what the hell does that mean?" she asked. "i have no idea," Hope replied, " i was hoping you wouldn't ask me." and so she waited for FOREVER to come. she was reading this study for work about how the happiest couples are those who sacrifice their own wished so their partners can achieve their dreams. it makes perfect sense. and yet she knew she's too young, that they are both too young, for her to live her life only as it relates to him. if he had asked her to marry her the night he first told her about his acceptance, she would have embraced a shift as part of a larger plan that involved her. she probably would have reacted differently. she might even have said yes. alas he didn't ask her then. he made plans for his future without her in mind. and that's okay. but how can he now ask her to arrange her life around him? so her answer was no. he wrote back to her after getting her answer. he shared a story of his own. when he was thirteen, he decided he needed a tattoo. not a want but a need. so he went to a Chinese tattoo artist. he wanted one in Chinese because, well he thought it was cool. when asked what he wanted on his arm, he said, "FOR.EVER.FOR.EVER" "you want repeat around arm?" that tattoo artist asked. "sure," he said. "Whatever" "whatever?" "yea. What.Ever" years later, he met a friend who happened to be Chinese. "what's that on your arm?" the friend asked. "FOREVER" he said. "no it's not, it's WHATEVER" the friend laughed. he got what he deserved. his proposal to her could not have been more sincere. but it seems hat his life is imitating badly executed skin art, turning his intentions for FOREVER into something else altogether. and so he'll let her go, and let it be. this time, he didn't sign off with FOREVER. instead in its place was the unintended, WHATEVER. how does one possibly follow up FOREVER? |
