"love isn't the rush of infatuation. that's how infatuation feels.

it isn't the demanding urges of lust: that is just lust. it isn't fireworks, or nausea, or fainting, or any of the things that i thought it would be.

it is a feeling that gently creeps its way around your body, and whispers in your ears, and tickles your back between your shoulder blades, and traces its finger across your palms, gently whispering the whole time until you just can't ignore it anymore:


it's a feeling that doesn't announce itself with trumpets or fanfare, it just nudges your lips into a smile, and that smile refuses to fade for a whole minute. it isn't all that time consuming, not every second of every minute of everyday. but it's often, and it's random, and it emerges like a plane trailing a banner across your mind, emblazoned with those words "you love him"

it's the tiny conversation with him that fizzes and sparkles constantly in the back of your head, about everything you see, and the need to share it all with him, and hear what he thinks. you want him to see what you see.

so i learned that love is not an explosion of drama. it idles up gently, and settles down beside you. and you may not even realise until you glance around and see it sitting back, comfortable and relaxed, as if it had been there all along."

i remembered reading the above somewhere and i just loved it so much.



here's what Sam Teo thinks about the issue of inflation:


“Imagine having 1 buck in your pocket, and you have been eyeing that candy bar with a price tag of 1 buck atop the counter shelf. But you have yet to take the step forward to purchase it. Within a year, the candy bar would have been rampaged by inflationary factors causing its price to rise to an all-time high of 1.10. Ouch.
You will never get that candy bar.”

hahahahahaha i just had to blog about that.


14th april

dad's 52nd birthday. but dad couldn't even make it to his own party, not that we really had a party going on. it was just going to be mum and i cutting a cake (which wasn't even bought yet) for him. but dad hates the awkwardness that comes with it and he had a meeting anyway. so there was just me and mum.

with a sudden craving for long john silver, i managed to convince mum to head down to jp with me. haha brilliant. except for the fact that the deeply fried chicken, fish and fries were my downfall into hell. one hell of a fever. not forgetting the after-effects of a very hoarse and surprisingly deep voice till this day.

wanted to buy dad a mont blanc watch, but mum saw the $4000+ price tag and laughed. so i am guessing that's a never-going-to-happen laugh.


15th april

was still well. there were absolutely no signs or symptoms that i was going to fall sick. lucas and i decided to head down to kangyu's new condo at Varsity Park (one stone throw away from NUS campus) for a swim at night.
the place is really really beautiful. had this whole resort thing going on. i especially like the whole very open concept. lack of privacy but still the place is so beautiful i wouldn't mind haha.

initially. the three of us were just swimming along the pool and enjoying the jacuzzi.
then came the part where kangyu wanted to go play at the children's water playground. since the whole place was almost deserted, we could play all we want without really embarrassing ourselves.

and so we did. haha it was awesome. we must have been a very ridiculous sight to behold though. and the two guys even climbed up the slide(from the end part) which had like water cascading down. i had a laughing fit when kangyu managed to do it while lucas just slided back down with an accompanying echo of "ahhhhhhs"

one canadian thai boy joined us after awhile. we must have looked like we were having a lot of fun. he followed us when we moved on to the beach-like pool (minus the waves). at first, i thought he was indian, but he didn't seem to understand english. so we thought he was a burmese. i kept saying 'mingalaba' (hello in burmese) but he didn't respond so that possibility was out.

kangyu went on to bully the kid by trying to splash him water. he actually defended himself by saying he was being friendly and was playing with the little boy. i think it must have worked because the boy splashed back at kangyu. the little boy even did small little 'stunts' like flapping away at his armpit trying to create the elusive farting sound. haha
his canadian dad eventually came out and told us that the boy doesn't understand english. he speaks only thai with the mum. this despite the fact that he sends his kid to an english school.


it was dinner at the cheese prata stall near NUS after that. best prata ever tasted.


16th april

woke up shivering and with a very bad sore throat. felt like dying. since i was supposed to meet lucas and weilun later on for buffet, i made myself get up, reach for my handphone and smsed four minimal words to them : fever sore throat dying. that relayed the message pretty well didn't it haha

spent the rest of the day fighting the evil virus residing in my body. never felt so sick before. i was out in cold sweat just after 5 seconds of moving from one spot to another a mere 1cm away. gave my mum a hell of a time as well, because i refused to eat medicine and i couldn't eat anything even though i was extremely hungry. plus it didn't help that i was screaming with conviction that i was going to die every few minutes

by the way, i did succumb to drinking the chinese medicine at night because i was afraid my fever would turn me into a retard.


17th april

miraculously woke up feeling fine. extremely hoarse voice expected


19th april

headed down to s'pore discovery centre to meet Alex. he tried to teach me how to hold a gun, we went into a model of a plane just for fun, visited the Olympics exhibition there...

then we were off on a spontaneous trip to the lim chu kang goat farm. had the funniest time trying to feed the goats with hay or whatever u call it. do you know that goat's milk is more digestible than cow's milk? well now you know (:

we even made our way down to vsa at cairnhill cc for a little while and tried making Michael focus on finishing wrapping his bowl with newspapers. in the end, we did it for him hahaha

it was aimless walking around Orchard road after that. several attempts to shop were curbed. yea i am on probation. no shopping for a year. i am thinking that a break should be allowed during the GSS though :D

as i got the two of us lost while navigating the back roads of Shaw Lido, it took a few wrong turns and a very optimistic thinking that all roads lead back home to novena before we finally got to alex's place.

waited at starbucks novena for kiansiong. when he arrived, i basically just kept talking with that horrible hoarse voice of mine. i believe he was amused.

day ended with all of us on the swing at alex's grand lobby. i left with a voice more horrible than the day before.


20th april

weilun, lucas, kangyu and i headed down to suntec.
spent most of our time in Toys R Us. i think the older we get, the more fun we have doing childish things.
let's not forget the awesome crystal ball that is way accurate.
the crystal ball was supposed to give simple answers to questions being said to the ball.
to test the accuracy, the guys shouted into the ball: " chiewyee sucks"
to which the ball answers: " no that is not accurate"
now that's one magically accurate crystal ball!
(they tried it three times, so i swear it's accurate)

later part of the day was an emotional rollercoaster that just left me pretty much dazed and awfully tired. like i said before, i don't want negativity in my life. i am never going to put myself in a situation where i will be hurt again.


22nd april

funny trip to the police station with alex cause he lost his wallet.
secret recipe lunch with alex, sam, ks and andy. andy says the weirdest thing in the funniest way.
i tried the new Dulce De Leche Frappuccino at Starbucks. it's really good. shall be my favorite coffee drink from now on.


24th april

liwen's birthday! but the other day i called her and she's busy studying.
Happy Birthday liwen (:

spent the entire day with XINYU.
my goodness, we ate and talked at pizza hut. then moved headquarters to Anderson ice cream, before settling down to watching Definitely, maybe the movie.
awesome day (:
you know the good kind of emo-ness you feel where you just want to hug all your friends and tell them you love them very very much? this is one of those days with the feel-good emo-ness. haha


it's safe to say i am happy with the way things are. obviously there are some things i left unsettled. but perhaps sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back and enjoy life the way it is.
i can't please everyone and i have learnt to stop trying to.




i am tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless lost under the surface
don't know what you are expecting of me
put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i have become so numb
become so tired so much more aware
i am becoming this all i want to do
is be more like me and less like you

can't you see that you are smothering me?
holding too tightly afraid to lose control
cause everything you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you
every step that i take is another mistake to you
and every second i waste is more than i can take

and i know i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me with someone disappointed in you




11am woke up

12am-1pm watched new episodes of the hills

1pm-2pm ate lunch and continued watching

2pm-3pm I studied history ( yea you are not seeing things i really sat myself down and mugged my heart out)

3pm-5pm swimming!

and now i am back studying again. which is really amazing actually.

i can't believe i went swimming consecutively for the past two days.

i am so disciplined it's crazy.

crazy crazy crazy

i am a whole new person!


the amazingly inspiring...
qiling says (11:27 PM):
the only thing now....
qiling says (11:27 PM):
is to make sure you live happier than him
qiling says (11:28 PM):
one day seeing that you're having a rocking life w/o him.. thats what he owes you

and then there are the amazingly lame ones...
.13. 好累，好累... says (11:34 PM):
cy wld not be cy if she's not out with guys and sleeping late and ponning sch




29th March

jj managed to get us free tickets to underwater world!






















so life's all about drama and the trauma that comes along with it.
i have been getting alot of that for the past two weeks.
overall, i would say it's life changing. cause i have really learn alot from all the screaming, crying and emotional burdens thrown at me.
one thing is for sure, avoidance is never the key.
all my life, i avoid.
i think you could say i am a coward, because i never really like to deal with problems/conflicts. when they come knocking, i will shove them aside and wait till it blows over and all would be fine(for me that is).
it's like if i don't know how to deal with a situation, i don't deal with it. period.
i am passive about being passive.
i joke and i laugh just to get out of a potential 'situation'. but that doesn't mean i am not affected. it just mean that i would rather not let the 'situation' get blown out of proportion.
i hardly ever let myself tell people how i really feel.
i always think that by suppressing my feelings or my anger especially, things would turn out fine.
usually that's the case.
but all the sweeping dirt under the carpet trick was really getting me nowhere.
in fact, i ended up in a place worse than i was originally at.
which is bad.
so right now, the thing is i am still passive ...
but but now, i can guarantee you that i don't ignore people like i used to
haha much to the surprise of my friends.
let's hope this new found attitude remains (:

and of course for certain things, i have learnt to let go. i want my life to be really positive and any source of negativity is not welcomed.
boy have i come a long wayyyyy.

"love isn't the rush of infatuation. that's how infatuation feels.

it isn't the demanding urges of lust: that is just lust. it isn't fireworks, or nausea, or fainting, or any of the things that i thought it would be.

it is a feeling that gently creeps its way around your body, and whispers in your ears, and tickles your back between your shoulder blades, and traces its finger across your palms, gently whispering the whole time until you just can't ignore it anymore:


it's a feeling that doesn't announce itself with trumpets or fanfare, it just nudges your lips into a smile, and that smile refuses to fade for a whole minute. it isn't all that time consuming, not every second of every minute of everyday. but it's often, and it's random, and it emerges like a plane trailing a banner across your mind, emblazoned with those words "you love him"

it's the tiny conversation with him that fizzes and sparkles constantly in the back of your head, about everything you see, and the need to share it all with him, and hear what he thinks. you want him to see what you see.

so i learned that love is not an explosion of drama. it idles up gently, and settles down beside you. and you may not even realise until you glance around and see it sitting back, comfortable and relaxed, as if it had been there all along."

i remembered reading the above somewhere and i just loved it so much.



here's what Sam Teo thinks about the issue of inflation:


“Imagine having 1 buck in your pocket, and you have been eyeing that candy bar with a price tag of 1 buck atop the counter shelf. But you have yet to take the step forward to purchase it. Within a year, the candy bar would have been rampaged by inflationary factors causing its price to rise to an all-time high of 1.10. Ouch.
You will never get that candy bar.”

hahahahahaha i just had to blog about that.


14th april

dad's 52nd birthday. but dad couldn't even make it to his own party, not that we really had a party going on. it was just going to be mum and i cutting a cake (which wasn't even bought yet) for him. but dad hates the awkwardness that comes with it and he had a meeting anyway. so there was just me and mum.

with a sudden craving for long john silver, i managed to convince mum to head down to jp with me. haha brilliant. except for the fact that the deeply fried chicken, fish and fries were my downfall into hell. one hell of a fever. not forgetting the after-effects of a very hoarse and surprisingly deep voice till this day.

wanted to buy dad a mont blanc watch, but mum saw the $4000+ price tag and laughed. so i am guessing that's a never-going-to-happen laugh.


15th april

was still well. there were absolutely no signs or symptoms that i was going to fall sick. lucas and i decided to head down to kangyu's new condo at Varsity Park (one stone throw away from NUS campus) for a swim at night.
the place is really really beautiful. had this whole resort thing going on. i especially like the whole very open concept. lack of privacy but still the place is so beautiful i wouldn't mind haha.

initially. the three of us were just swimming along the pool and enjoying the jacuzzi.
then came the part where kangyu wanted to go play at the children's water playground. since the whole place was almost deserted, we could play all we want without really embarrassing ourselves.

and so we did. haha it was awesome. we must have been a very ridiculous sight to behold though. and the two guys even climbed up the slide(from the end part) which had like water cascading down. i had a laughing fit when kangyu managed to do it while lucas just slided back down with an accompanying echo of "ahhhhhhs"

one canadian thai boy joined us after awhile. we must have looked like we were having a lot of fun. he followed us when we moved on to the beach-like pool (minus the waves). at first, i thought he was indian, but he didn't seem to understand english. so we thought he was a burmese. i kept saying 'mingalaba' (hello in burmese) but he didn't respond so that possibility was out.

kangyu went on to bully the kid by trying to splash him water. he actually defended himself by saying he was being friendly and was playing with the little boy. i think it must have worked because the boy splashed back at kangyu. the little boy even did small little 'stunts' like flapping away at his armpit trying to create the elusive farting sound. haha
his canadian dad eventually came out and told us that the boy doesn't understand english. he speaks only thai with the mum. this despite the fact that he sends his kid to an english school.


it was dinner at the cheese prata stall near NUS after that. best prata ever tasted.


16th april

woke up shivering and with a very bad sore throat. felt like dying. since i was supposed to meet lucas and weilun later on for buffet, i made myself get up, reach for my handphone and smsed four minimal words to them : fever sore throat dying. that relayed the message pretty well didn't it haha

spent the rest of the day fighting the evil virus residing in my body. never felt so sick before. i was out in cold sweat just after 5 seconds of moving from one spot to another a mere 1cm away. gave my mum a hell of a time as well, because i refused to eat medicine and i couldn't eat anything even though i was extremely hungry. plus it didn't help that i was screaming with conviction that i was going to die every few minutes

by the way, i did succumb to drinking the chinese medicine at night because i was afraid my fever would turn me into a retard.


17th april

miraculously woke up feeling fine. extremely hoarse voice expected


19th april

headed down to s'pore discovery centre to meet Alex. he tried to teach me how to hold a gun, we went into a model of a plane just for fun, visited the Olympics exhibition there...

then we were off on a spontaneous trip to the lim chu kang goat farm. had the funniest time trying to feed the goats with hay or whatever u call it. do you know that goat's milk is more digestible than cow's milk? well now you know (:

we even made our way down to vsa at cairnhill cc for a little while and tried making Michael focus on finishing wrapping his bowl with newspapers. in the end, we did it for him hahaha

it was aimless walking around Orchard road after that. several attempts to shop were curbed. yea i am on probation. no shopping for a year. i am thinking that a break should be allowed during the GSS though :D

as i got the two of us lost while navigating the back roads of Shaw Lido, it took a few wrong turns and a very optimistic thinking that all roads lead back home to novena before we finally got to alex's place.

waited at starbucks novena for kiansiong. when he arrived, i basically just kept talking with that horrible hoarse voice of mine. i believe he was amused.

day ended with all of us on the swing at alex's grand lobby. i left with a voice more horrible than the day before.


20th april

weilun, lucas, kangyu and i headed down to suntec.
spent most of our time in Toys R Us. i think the older we get, the more fun we have doing childish things.
let's not forget the awesome crystal ball that is way accurate.
the crystal ball was supposed to give simple answers to questions being said to the ball.
to test the accuracy, the guys shouted into the ball: " chiewyee sucks"
to which the ball answers: " no that is not accurate"
now that's one magically accurate crystal ball!
(they tried it three times, so i swear it's accurate)

later part of the day was an emotional rollercoaster that just left me pretty much dazed and awfully tired. like i said before, i don't want negativity in my life. i am never going to put myself in a situation where i will be hurt again.


22nd april

funny trip to the police station with alex cause he lost his wallet.
secret recipe lunch with alex, sam, ks and andy. andy says the weirdest thing in the funniest way.
i tried the new Dulce De Leche Frappuccino at Starbucks. it's really good. shall be my favorite coffee drink from now on.


24th april

liwen's birthday! but the other day i called her and she's busy studying.
Happy Birthday liwen (:

spent the entire day with XINYU.
my goodness, we ate and talked at pizza hut. then moved headquarters to Anderson ice cream, before settling down to watching Definitely, maybe the movie.
awesome day (:
you know the good kind of emo-ness you feel where you just want to hug all your friends and tell them you love them very very much? this is one of those days with the feel-good emo-ness. haha


it's safe to say i am happy with the way things are. obviously there are some things i left unsettled. but perhaps sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back and enjoy life the way it is.
i can't please everyone and i have learnt to stop trying to.




i am tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless lost under the surface
don't know what you are expecting of me
put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i have become so numb
become so tired so much more aware
i am becoming this all i want to do
is be more like me and less like you

can't you see that you are smothering me?
holding too tightly afraid to lose control
cause everything you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you
every step that i take is another mistake to you
and every second i waste is more than i can take

and i know i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me with someone disappointed in you




11am woke up

12am-1pm watched new episodes of the hills

1pm-2pm ate lunch and continued watching

2pm-3pm I studied history ( yea you are not seeing things i really sat myself down and mugged my heart out)

3pm-5pm swimming!

and now i am back studying again. which is really amazing actually.

i can't believe i went swimming consecutively for the past two days.

i am so disciplined it's crazy.

crazy crazy crazy

i am a whole new person!


the amazingly inspiring...
qiling says (11:27 PM):
the only thing now....
qiling says (11:27 PM):
is to make sure you live happier than him
qiling says (11:28 PM):
one day seeing that you're having a rocking life w/o him.. thats what he owes you

and then there are the amazingly lame ones...
.13. 好累，好累... says (11:34 PM):
cy wld not be cy if she's not out with guys and sleeping late and ponning sch




29th March

jj managed to get us free tickets to underwater world!






















so life's all about drama and the trauma that comes along with it.
i have been getting alot of that for the past two weeks.
overall, i would say it's life changing. cause i have really learn alot from all the screaming, crying and emotional burdens thrown at me.
one thing is for sure, avoidance is never the key.
all my life, i avoid.
i think you could say i am a coward, because i never really like to deal with problems/conflicts. when they come knocking, i will shove them aside and wait till it blows over and all would be fine(for me that is).
it's like if i don't know how to deal with a situation, i don't deal with it. period.
i am passive about being passive.
i joke and i laugh just to get out of a potential 'situation'. but that doesn't mean i am not affected. it just mean that i would rather not let the 'situation' get blown out of proportion.
i hardly ever let myself tell people how i really feel.
i always think that by suppressing my feelings or my anger especially, things would turn out fine.
usually that's the case.
but all the sweeping dirt under the carpet trick was really getting me nowhere.
in fact, i ended up in a place worse than i was originally at.
which is bad.
so right now, the thing is i am still passive ...
but but now, i can guarantee you that i don't ignore people like i used to
haha much to the surprise of my friends.
let's hope this new found attitude remains (:

and of course for certain things, i have learnt to let go. i want my life to be really positive and any source of negativity is not welcomed.
boy have i come a long wayyyyy.

chiewyee!
basically what we have here is a dreamer. someone out of touch with reality. when she jumped, she probably thought she'd fly.
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