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Sunday, July 30, 2006 @ 3:54 PM
i feel a rebellious streak coming over me maybe shutting everyone out is good. with no expectations i know i wouldn't be disappointed "it is a remarkable question-Do all the wonderful things happen when we are not aware of them?" sometimes people think they know you but actually that's not true at all it just surprises me when people expect me to act a certain way which i know is not how i am at all but if that's how they view me then am i suppossed to be like that? when you need someone to talk to you realise there really is no one at all Saturday, July 29, 2006 @ 9:42 AM
it was just a casual question asked out of concern but somehow i was really touched so much so that the tears that i held on for so long just kept flowing down my cheeks i sobbed hard that instant i told myself that this will be the last time i cry i don't know what i want i am ensure of why i am even upset in the first place its a lot of things clump together you know never just one factor that triggered the tears i'm better now maybe its because i already let it all out or maybe its my selective memory i'm starting to forget Friday, July 28, 2006 @ 5:10 PM
what's left of me is what i pretend to be i feel like screaming and crying at the same time i screwed up. big time it isn't a crime to want a little space to breathe i want to be alone i crave the loneliness i want everyone to look away i hate it when people see me breaking apart these two days have been such an emotional rollercoaster i want out out of this life i don't appreciate people spreading whatever secrets i told them i trusted them now i feel like i shouldn't trust anyone at all. you realise it would always come back to me? i am appalled at how you twisted the truth into something i don't even recognise. fine. do what you want i can't control what you say anyway i don't care what you think of me i'm sick of people thinking i am so nice that they just step all over me what do you expect me to do? something's bothering me but i just can't pinpoint what exactly it is i want my heart to stop crying i want to stop acting happy i want to be truly happy there's a million things going through my head this particular moment its making me confused i feel terrible i keep asking myself- am i asking too much? how is that even possible i just wish my life is easier the first thing i did when i reached home was to blast the music untie my hair and scream in the bathroom i hoped i didn't scare my neighbours seriously. make me happy again. just once i wish i had the power to know what people are thinking. if i had to lose my voice to get that i would gladly surrender being mute sure beats being clueless and lost Thursday, July 27, 2006 @ 7:34 PM
i tried to hide the dark clouds above my head but apparently i wasn't quite successful either that or my friends really know me well:) yes i tend to smile and laugh EVEN when i am depressed. i don't see why i must let the whole world see my black face whenever i am sad right. so i joke so i laugh but underneath it all i am damn depressed. i looked at my handphone with disgust and absolute disdain this morning. it seemed to be mocking me. sometimes i just wished the case screen would change to"new message received" BUT no the more you wish for something to happen the more it refuses to do so so i sulked(underneath that is) i even complained to jaslyn-i think my hp is spoiled she did not get what i mean at first but after i told her she understood and offered to give me a hug:D but i know a hug doesn't change anything so i said no hahaha qiling was upset this morning too.i think our CT is getting from bad to worse. bullying students and all. tsk tsk there was supposed to be an A01 outing today. correction there was A01 outing today. but i really wasn't in the mood so i went home in the past i really hated walking home. because i live in such an ulu place , i have to walk VERY VERY far every single day of my life. now i really enjoy walking home it's sort of relaxing i call it my daily dose of therapeutic walk:) when i was at boon lay interchange today, i decided to take a casual look at my hp "new message received" hmm haha my face just *bing* brightened up after reading the message. i was laughing and grinning to myself as i got into the line i'm sure the whole world thought i was insane but at that time i didn't care i skipped all the way home today chiewyee is a very happy girl:):):) Sunday, July 23, 2006 @ 9:15 PM
have you heard of positive imaging? its like this WHAT YOU WANT YOU CAN HAVE. you can have everything at all. But you have to want it hard enough. You have to want it so hard that you are able to visualise it. Almost touch it in your mind's eye. Do you follow me so far? no wonder i don't get what i want. i can't see it happening. alright that will change. *tries very hard to visualise* opens eye looks around damn same old same old anyway i TRIED to donate blood on friday. there were 3 tests before you could actually donate. first up: the temperature test! mine was 36.3 degrees amy was a whooping 37++ degrees so i waited with her at the holding area. meanwhile there was this photographer that was taking pictures. just when i was doing a very unglam pose(my legs were stretched out, left leg flying up abit, body leaning sideways to reach into my bag on the floor, giving a stupid look on my face as i searched for my hp), i saw a flash going off. i froze. turning to amy "did he took a picture did he did he?" SHIT he took a picture of me. how nice-i am still searching the newspapers on a daily basis to see if the photo managed to get published. then i remembered i was wearing a mask, maybe no one will recognise me after all;) 2nd test: fill up a form and see the doctor the first thing the doctor asked was-what's your weight? er er 52kg? he gave a nod so i presumed i was in the healthy range later on i asked amy if the doctor asked for her weight. amy said yes. i wondered if amy swore the doctor to secrecy about her weight. hahaha next up: the chem lab test way cool. at first i didn't know where to go, being a first-time donor and all. But i heard amy's unmistakable laughter so i followed the sounds of her laughter and found the counter. apparently amy was laughing at something that the nurse said. i waited at the side. then i heard"oh you can't donate, too low too low" amy could not donate. so that leaves me. SHIT it was my turn to test. amy was supposed to move on to somewhere else to report the fact that she could not donate. just as i was sitting down, the nurse took one look at me and told amy to come back and wait for me. what does that mean? she thinks i cannot pass the test. well i sure showed her. i passed. the reality of having to actually donate blood suddenly hit me. so i just keep repeating " i hate you" to amy. i was then told to walk into the donation room. as i walked in. all eyes were on me. i felt like some alien as they all regarded me with disapproving looks i must say. i was alone. amy had to wait outside. some nurse came over and motioned me to a reclining seat. i sat there.. and waited. then a nurse came over again. this time she looked at my arms and poked at the veins. right hand failed. moving on, left hand failed. i looked at her. she gave me a look that said "why are you wasting my time" hahaha so in the end i could not donate as well. vivien donated though! brave viv;) she had a green bandage with dino on it. cute;) i called my mum and told her what happened. you know what she did? she LAUGHED RIGHT INTO THE PHONE after she calmed down, she said" just so you know, daddy's laughing at you too." yes thanks mum. your support is OVERWHELMING. i think he's avoiding me. why you ask. if i know i would not be typing this. Saturday, July 22, 2006 @ 12:21 PM
 i love A01;) we are simply amazing! wed was racial harmony day/cip day. so we were all allowed to wear ethnic costumes on that day itself. so we did. or rather only A01 did. we must be the most enthusiastic class in NJC history :D anyway can you imagine that jaslyn is actually wearing my SIA costume:) i think it fits her so i decided to give it to her. haha    anyway we were suppossed to be hosts to about 9 kids from PSC Yishun( if i am not wrong haha). in the end though, we had to share 14 K2 kids with A02. not that i am complaining though:)the kids are super cute! qiling had this unhealthy obession to Nicholas. poor kid. she practically forced him to hold her hand. jaslyn too had a favourite-RYAN. little ryan was constantly attended to by the SIA girl on that day. hahaha HOWEVER let me say that little ryan chose ME over Jaslyn as his favourite JIEJIE:):):) my favourites were LYN and DAGNES!!! dagnes insisted that i sat with him at the concert! so cute:D lyn is so pretty. she hardly smiles but when i asks her to smile, she would give me such a sweet smile that i swear will melt a million hearts. lyn's photo is NOW my wallpaper on my hp:) i miss her! for them i would willingly steal balloons again;)  this is the only photo where jjqca is actually complete:) JJ chiewyee mr menon qiling amy:)  ramiyah and LYN:) sweetie pies:):):) before the kids left, i took individual photos of them. anyway surprise surprise all of them did not make a fuss and smiled brightly for me:) even nicholas came out of his shell and smiled so brightly for ME. yes qiling FOR ME! tristan seems fond of hitting me on my head with his red balloon but i realised it was just his way of showing affection! hahahaha after that cip, i was drained and hungry. but i could not go home as we had to wait for the geo talk. the only reason why i didn't die right there and then was due to the possibility that a particular person MIGHT attend that geo talk too. haha but in the end it was a false alarm. that said. i still didn't die:) like what xinyu said, if he was coming he would tell me unless of course he wanted to surprise me? sometimes i think i really should not make myself suffer like this. it is pointless. RIGHT. control control control. don't even think about it. yes will do that. my new resolution? stop telling the whole world about what's happening. it will only come back to haunt me. my life should be a secret not some drama for everyone to enjoy. I CHOOSE TO LIVE THIS WAY is it wrong? anyway HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY my BELOVED PIAKY!!!!! i may not have known you for years but i feel like i have known you forever. that's how SPECIAL you are:) i'm really really glad that i have you. so even though we might not always meet up but our bond will always remain strong! :) quick set up a blog! before someone grabs this url- www.piaky-piak.blogspot.com! lol HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to RHODA too:) rhoda dear don't worry about that thing anymore alright? it will pass. he will act normal again. haha i WILL make sure he does that. meanwhile you just focus on your studies haha i am very sure you WILL get into Oxford:) good day. cheers @ 11:51 AM
 finally an outing with xinyu and weihui. basically we were out to havoc? haha after shopping we went to the Balcony to have our dinner.I LOVE IT there. everything was so artfully designed to make the diners feel comfortable. Do you know that the chairs there are rocking chairs? my first taste of cocktail;) Flames jelly coktail is really nice. i was drinking it as if it was some soft drink. weihui's Cosmopolitan sucks. haha it was way too strong. its like 100 times of cough medicine. BUT weihui had to finish it since it cost so much?(it was more expensive than our main course) haha so in the end, weihui smelled strongly like some drunk. i told her she reminded me of my ahma cause my ahma constantly smells of beer. if u look carefully at the pictures, you will see that weihui look like a lobster. hahaha her face was THAT red :D anyway i seriously feel that friends should be honest with one another. if there is something bothering you, let it out. tell us let us know. sometimes you really should not bottle up everything and then suddenly just leave us hanging there. we might have changed but i'm sure deep down we are still the same friends that we were before. times might have changed but you know what? friendships remain. don't be bothered by superficial stuff. status, looks, money and the number of friends one have is NOT important. what's important is understanding, acceptance and trust. that's what we all try to build on. so i guess what i am saying is that look beyond what's in front of you and understand that not everyone's life is perfect. flaws make one human. don't judge just embrace your friends:)  Sunday, July 16, 2006 @ 11:00 AM
ok i know etude was LAST WEEK but i am abit slow you know so pardon me photos!!!:D thanks to ginny!     what did i tell u? cam-hogging qiling was one hot babe indeed(: Sunday, July 09, 2006 @ 10:27 PM
go for it, but be careful. people keep repeating this idea to me. i know i know i just pray that this time things would actually work out!(: anyway me and qiling are quite DESPERATE at the moment to get our hands on the photos taken at etude. so people with our photos in your digicams please be kind and SEND TO US asap. we are dying from the suspense. HAHA BUT anyway ETUDE was amazing(: thanks to qiling and khairi who was late!(mind you this was the first time i actually waited for people) we had no time to eat dinner, cause we had to buy presents for the band people. we bought a piggy soft toy for Mr leong! and a addidas bottle for annie! weird right? i also bought fake fluffly flowers for yanru and cindy! i think yanru was quite disappointed from the look on her face. haha i think she wanted chocolates? SORRY if i knew i would have bought you chocolates instead. i thought cindy was super pretty when she was dancing(: although her facial expressions were quite funny. she was grimacing like 70% of the time? haha photo taking/giving gifts and hugs to band people was MADNESS. so many people. here there EVERYWHERE. where??!! you know i think the band people should all just stand in one row with a previously assigned loaction so we would know where to go find them. make things easier for us you know? anyway i am quite disappointed that the 4J people at etude did not get to take a photo together. i mean we were all there waiting for cindy(except mav who was MIA) then cindy came and went in 2 seconds! i did not even get to hug her. she was like a wind. zoom~off she went flying to god knows where. i still remember it was Mr leong who took her away. *CURSES* after cindy left, all the others zoom away as well haha so i went to rejoin A01! in the end, me qiling and khairi left together. we made our way to the nearest 7 eleven, bought some food and sat down somewhere to talk(: i can't seem to remember what we were talking about. me and qiling were suffering due to the heels we were wearing. damn the things we do to make ourselves more attractive? haha khairi said he will never let his wife wear heels cause he don't want her to suffer like us. aww isn't that sweet! i have taught qiling to defend herself and stop people from mocking her. CHANGES must be made in order for qiling to reconstruct her life? haha she must stop acting all happy and contented when people mock her! ok shall blog more about etude when i recieve the photos( that is if i receive them at all.) anyway here's one photo!  lastly i must say qiling was H-O-T yesterday! sizzling hot babe(: Thursday, July 06, 2006 @ 10:20 PM
its only been two days. but it feels like two weeks. today, we played soccer. not the normal soccer though. we played with the softball as the ball. my opposing teammates-JINJEN and AMY were trying very hard to get me out of the game by injuring me. their many attempts resulted in a hard kick on my left leg (JJ) and a hard stomp on my right feet (amy). amy jaslyn and me had our very first outing! like finally.. actually amy was going to my house, then jas came along and asked us if we wanted to go with her to the flea market at JTC (near JE mrt). we just stood up all ready to go. HAHA jaslyn was quite shocked that we were so enthu:) anyway along the way me and amy started scolding jaslyn. haha we were scolding her for not informing us earlier about the flea market! if we knew we would have brought money. i just hate seeing something i like and not having enough money on me to buy. in the end, we All managed to buy something. Jas bought a bracelet( i think), amy bought this gorgeous butterfly earrings and i bought a necklace that is to die for! my necklace was spotted by Jaslyn and its damn cheap-$6.90? that's crazy business:) shopping makes you happy especially after you bought something really nice:) yeas i have this love/hurt relationship with durians. i love durians cause its oh so nice! i hate durians because i have a splitting headache now due to an overconsumption of those darn durians-.- haha i was trying to make up for lost time, since i forgot to eat those durians yesterday. so i was thinking i must eat yesterday's share + today's share. BIG mistake. yesterday's share + today's share of durians = headache + urge to vomit bleah i think i am going to stay clear of durians for now. all this waiting is driving me crazy... Tuesday, July 04, 2006 @ 11:00 AM
joyful day(: VCD madness has offically taken over me. i had a movie marathon with liting and liwen 1st movie: Freaky Friday summary: Dr. Tess Coleman( Jamie Lee Curtis) and her fifteen-year-old daughter, Anna(Lindsay Lohan), are not getting along. They don't see eye-to-eye on clothes, hair, music and certainly not in each other's taste in men. One Thursday evening, their disagreements reach a fever pitch--Anna is incensed that her mother doesn't support her musical aspirations and Tess, a widow about to remarry, can't see why Anna won't give her fiance a break. Everything soon changes when two identical Chinese fortune cookies cause a little mystic mayhem. On the next morning, their Friday gets freaky when Tess and Anna find themselves inside the other's body. As they literally walk a mile in each other's shoes, they gain a little newfound respect for each other's point of view. But with Tess' wedding coming on Saturday, the two have to find a way to switch back (and fast). in addition: Jake( Chad Michael Murray) thinks he's in love with Dr. Coleman but actually he's in love with Anna. comments: DAMN COOL! first of all the plot may be predictable but hey they act good. they really make you believe that they have switched bodies instead of pretending to be one another. (Hot Chick could not manage to acheive this) and there are bits when you can just keep screaming and pulling your hair? especially when that Jake thinks he's hopelessly in love with the mother and tries to stop the wedding?? A FOOL I must say. just could not stop screaming. even when i was watching the second movie i was still thinking about this particular one. 2nd movie:Madagascar summary: do you really want to know. it's stupid. a zebra tried to escape. so his friends went in search of him. humans were angry. sent them off. landed on madagascar. MADNESS end. comments: b-o-r-i-n-g. me and liting were doing other stuff just 15 minutes into the show. and its not very funny. in other words its lame. complete waste of money 3rd movie: The Stepford Wives summary: Joanna Eberhart (Nicole Kidman) is a successful TV producer on the verge of yet another Emmy-winning streak of TV shows when she is fired from her job at a prestigious network. She then has a mental breakdown and her husband Walter (Matthew Broderick) and their two children (Dylan Hartigan, Fallon Brooking) move to Stepford, Conneticut, the most perfectly perfect little town there ever was. The women of Stepfrod spend all day knitting, gardening, exercising in beautiful dresses, and are the most splendid of all women on Earth. Soon, Joanna along with her best-selling author buddy, Bobbie (Bette Midler) and Democratic, flamboyant fairy friend Roger (Roger Bart) realize that something isn't right in Stepford. All is not as perfect as it seems...especially after Roger and Bobbie are turned into perfect portraits of Stepford. Why are the women of Stepfrod so perfect? What do the Stepford Husabnds have to do with the scheme? Will Joanna ultimately uncover the truth? Or are the Stepford coming for her to make her a blonde, bubbly piece of perfection? comments: way cool. and nicole kidman is so pretty:) the plot is VERY interesting. the story just graps you and it only lets you go when the movie ends. and the plot twist at the end was really unexpected. liting and liwen left after this movie but i continued to watch... 4th movie: House Of Wax summary: Carly Jones (Elisha Curtberth), her bad boy brother Nick (Chad Michael Murray), her boyfriend Wade (Jared Padalecki), and her friends Paige (Paris Hilton) and her boyfriend Blake (Robert Richard) and Dalton (Jon Abrahams) travel to another city to watch an important game. They decide to camp in a field halfway and proceed their journey on the next day. However, the fan belt of Wade's car breaks and he stays with Carly to buy a new one in a close town, where there is a house of wax. When they arrive in the place, they realize that the place is a ghost town, and two deranged former Siamese brothers have transformed people in wax statues. comments: this is even more scary and gory than resident evil and final destination combined! but i loved it. haha and it doesn't hurt that Chad Michael Murray is in this movie as well;) but i could not really understand the ending though. shall go watch it again. oh yea, this show gives you the creeps so never watch it alone. i was peeping through the pillow i placed in front of me because certain parts were just too gross. haha and the part where paris hilton was killed is super funny. my mum was watching with me and she started scolding me about watching these kind of violent shows blah blah blah. then the disc spoiled. i tell you my mum must really have some black magic or something. but the disc was fine this morning when i watched it alone this time. i think my mum is a witch.  one message was all it took to brighten up my day. yea(; joyful day indeed. Sunday, July 02, 2006 @ 12:21 PM
when one can feel his or her own hip bone, it is time to worry. haha alright i think i am losing weight at a very alarming rate. the fact that i already don't have much to lose makes it much more alarming! i think my daddy is going through some mid-life crisis. u know when they reach the a certain age( around 50), they start to get very weird and splurge on alot of stuff. i never thought my dad would actually splurge on material goods since he is such a stingy man. BUt to my horror, i found that he had just gotten himself a new 3G phone-the nokia N80 which is $700 +. This is the same man who always ask the salesperson cheekily for free stuff and scream at me when i buy something, anything. what the hell. i also want a new phone! i better try to influence him to buy me one since he's in such a state now. And i hope he doesn't go and buy himself a flashy red sports car. If that really happens, i would just die of embarrassment :S yesterday was a really fun day i must say. me jaslyn and qiling went sun-tanning and swimming at qiling's condo. since i was late, i was given the holy task of searching the entire west area for sun-tanning lotion. First stop: NTUC next to JEC conclusion: no signs of sun-tanning lotion only lots of aunties trying to buy groceries so i called qiling to ask her if she was desperate for the lotion. she said she was ,so i made my way to giant at IMM. halfway there, qiling called me and told me to go westmall or lot1 instead. so i did. While i was on the train, i was thinking why can't i just buy from yew tee (the mrt station nearest to qiling's condo) so in the end, i bought the lotion at the Guardian at yew tee station. ( it was a tough choice between DARK tanning lotion and Golden tanning lotion- what's the difference you tell me. DARK tanning lotion won cause it was cheaper) with the tanning lotion in my hand, i happily walked into qiling's condo while trying very hard not to catch the security guards' attention. Haha like what jaslyn said you can just walk in like you own the place even if you don't. swim tan swim tan swim we practically baked ourselves under the scorching sun. qiling's friends joined us after our swim. i can see how qiling's sense of humour came about. looking at them is VERY entertaining i must say. anyway it was off to a study session for me and jaslyn. the study session gradually became a shopping/ chatting session. (: sorry jas! i wasted your time! |
