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Tuesday, March 17, 2009 @ 1:06 PM
it's a good thing really i will tell you what helps. Meeting friends beyond the usual few that wasn't previously possible because well i foolishly reserved any known free time for him (not that he took any of it anyway) realising that i can pursue any thing i want without having to consider the fact that i will be leaving him behind. fully grasping the fact that it really wouldn't have worked out anyway i mean to be honest sure i had the best memories but i had lots of bad ones that just creeps back to me every time. i forgive him for every hurt but that doesn't mean i can forget it not that i want to blame him for that i understand that we both have differing opinions and that will not change anytime soon being sick and tired of having to feel like i am not good enough because i deserve better than that and i am not going to apologise for being the person i am. knowing that i was a happy person, but after everything that happened i realise that i was so very miserable and that will not do. i refuse to let anyone rob me of my happiness i do admit previously i felt very lost because i have fallen too hard, i have opened up too much i made him my everything and when he's gone what is there left for me? people will tell me to move on but i don't know how to go on. he left a gaping hole that i don't know how to replace but maybe now i can i am still upset but i think now i have learnt to have the courage to face up to reality i know i can be the person i want to be with or without him i will mend this |
